Blue Mondays
by BlueMondays
Summary: Ever wanted to know what would happen if Harry Dresden moved into the basement of Bob's Burgers?
1. Chapter 1

Blue Monday

Prologue:

It's dark out, past midnight, and Pesto walks out to the end of the wharf. His arms are shaking despite his jacket. He tells himself it's from the ocean breeze, not the hooded figure waiting for him between the falafel and corn dog stands. Pesto tosses the figure a brown paper bag and asks "when"? The hooded figure bends to pick up the bag with a too-grey hand and sharp nails. The figure shows his yellowing teeth, "tomorrow."

Oo00oO

Bob keeps staring at the freakishly tall guy in the last booth. He thinks it way too hot to be wearing a full blown leather duster. When he first came into the restaurant, Bob was too scared of the gigantic furry dog with him to ask about the 6 foot walking stick.

"Louise, go take his order"

"Why dad, are you scared of the guy here for wizardcon?" Louise says as she walks away from the bar.

"wizar… what?"

"Hey mister, what's your dog's name?

He looks up from his menu as the giant temple dog raises his paw for a shake, "Mouse," he replies.

"Oh my god! Can I ride him! I want to ride him, DAD! Pick me up and put me on top of this dog!"

"NO LOUISE JUST TAKE HIS ORDER!"

Mouse actually rolls his eyes, and the wizard eventually says he wants a steak sandwich and a beer.

Linda walks out from the kitchen, "Ooooh Bobby, we need to go out for a nice dinner. Jimmy Pesto takes his wife out for dinner!"

"Uhhh" Bob sighs, "We can't afford it after Tina hit Jimmy Freakin Pesto's Car last week" and walks over to the stranger, "Sorry, we don't have steak, how about a 'Blue Monday Burger'? It's a burger stuffed with blue chee..."

Shattered glass rang through the front of the restaurant as a figure with a large khaki overcoat slowly stepped through the broken window. Barefoot, but not bothered by the shards of glass. Bob caught one look at his face which was too grey to be human and saw that he was smiling a sharkish grin, yellow teeth almost glowing in the fluorescent lighting.

Before he could even react, the mysterious 'wizard' pushed him into the booth and yelled "Mouse, guard!" The figure, seemingly out of a horror film, shot his… finger nails? Talons? At the tall man standing in front of the booth. Bob heard a jingling of metal as the man shook loose a bracelet and a translucent sphere appeared around the man. Projectiles harmlessly bouncing off the sphere and falling to the floor.

Bob looked at him in shock, "what the…"

The man in the leather duster pulled out a slender brown piece of wood that looked to Bob like it should be banging on a drum and yelled _fuego_. As the translucent sphere disappeared a stream of red and white flames shot towards the monster and flung him back out the broken window in flames. Bob's apparent savior ran to the window and stared for a moment, then walked back to bob.

Bob shivering in fright, and almost incomprehensible stutters "Is… is it dead?"

"No, it just ran away."

"Who the hell are you?" Bob wonder strikingly asks.

"Dresden, Harry Dresden. I have a feeling life is about to get real interesting for you Bob."

Semilogue

"Fishoeder number 2, you told me…"

"It's Felix!" Felix Fishoeder glaringly snapped at Pesto.

"Sorry, Felix" Pesto furiously corrected, "you told me he was your top guy"

"He is. _You _didn't tell me there was a _wizard_ to get involved." he sighed, "I'll have to talk to my brother about this…" Felix muttered

Oo00oO

"Burger… boy wonder…" Linda muttered as Bob got out of bed. He headed downstairs to open the kitchen only to realize he was out of buns. He walked to the basement door and realized it was already unlocked, _stupid kids_, he thought. He headed down the stairs skipping the broken step and reached for the freezer door.

"Morning" said Harry (Bob would later find out Harry isn't much of a morning person).

"What the…" Bob flinched back only to trip over a huge furry dog lazing about next to the fridge.

Harry stood up and offered his hand to Bob, "Easy, glad to see you up after last night."

"Last night?" the memories of last night came rushing back to Bob and he fought back the urge to panic. The monster who jumped through the window, and Harry Dresden? A wizard? "Why are you in my basement? What the hell happened last night?"

"I'm here to help." Harry explained, "I've been tracking the… creature from last night for over a month now. It made its way here from Chicago, taking odd jobs along the way. I think he wanted to kill you."

"Kill me… why would he want to kill me?" Bob exasperatedly asked as he took stock of the changes made to the basement, there was a green army issue cot along the wall where presumably this strange man named Harry had slept, a glimmering circle made of… was that _gold?_ in the corner of the basement, a long wood staff leaned against the wall. The man himself looked like he hadn't slept much, he had silver banded rings on multiple fingers, a strange bracelet with a few charms attached and a leather duster which he had used as cover to sleep.

"I think he was probably hired for it. Have you made any enemies recently?"

Bob thought back over the past couple of years and a few names came to mind; Fishoeder, Pesto, the school counselor, Fishoeder number 2… then there was that one time when he suffered from a form of psychosis and thought he was the world's best spy…

Bob rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and sighed, "Okay, maybe one or two."

"Boooobbb!" Linda yelled frantically from up the stairs. Bob immediately rushed upstairs to find his wife crying over Louise's bed, "…She's… gone." She muttered.

Harry walked into the small room where a pair of pink bunny ears lay on the floor, "Is there a Burger King nearby? We've got lots of work to do."

Epilogue

"You woke me up just to kidnap me… ugh that is freakin' _awesome_" Louise told her captor, "are you gonna' ransom me? How much are you asking for? I've been in a hostile situation before, something about a bank robbery, I don't really remember, but it was pretty cool."

"Shut up!" he reached into his overcoat pocket and pulled out a phone, "Yes Mr. Fisho…? I had to go with the contingency plan, _He _showed up… I understand." He hung up the phone and showed his yellow smile to Louise.


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: Mr. Fischoeder's first name is actually Calvin, I got tired of writing Mr. Fischoeder so many times. The signature on the note is supposed to be the 'creature's' full name, if you don't know the symbol you can just call him S or SS. If you're a Dresden buff, you might be able to guess what the Fischoeder family is, but if you're more of a Bob's Burger's person, don't worry, they will get explained in future chapters if I decide to write them. I know the semilogue isn't really a thing. Get over it. Lastly, this is my first writing project and I find that I'm really bad at keeping the flow when writing characters moving around, like in and out of the scene

Chapter 2

Fishoeder looks into the glass of the door to Bob's Burgers and straightens his perfectly tailored white suite, _dapper_ he thinks to himself. Curiously taking note of the broken window, "Hello Bob" as he enters.

"Oh… Mr. Fishoeder, we are kind of in a crisis right now"

"Kind of?" Linda gasps, "Bobby our only child is missing and you say kind of!?"

"Only child… Linda, Tina and Gene are upstairs… Mr. Fisheater"

"Fishoeder"

Without missing a beat, "We are in an emergency right now, I hope you understand why the rent is going to be a bit late"

"That's not why I'm here, I just need to drop off a letter," as he places a manila envelope on the bar in front of Bob. Carelessly strolling towards the door, "You're two months behind on the rent, Bob. Your daughter was only kidnapped last night"

"Oh, well umm…" Bob snaps his head towards the door and rushes to catch Fishoeder, only to find that he was nowhere to be seen on either side of the street. _How did he know Louise was kidnapped?_

"He's not human"

A shocked Bob jumped and spilt the coffee he had just poured himself, luckily the piping hot liquid fell to the floor and Bob was spared 3rd degree burns.

Harry set a cup on the bar "Can I get some coffee?" as he shimmered into existence sitting on a bar stool holding his wooden staff against his shoulder, wearing his long leather duster over a… was that Chewbacca on his t-shirt?

Bob staring blankly at the man in front of him "You just… appeared."

Grinning, Harry raised his newest focus, a pair of silver rimmed glasses with incomprehensible etchings. "Coffee please" as he taps the cup. "These glasses belonged to a friend of my former Master's. A Dr. Griffon or something like that. Had my apprentice etch the formulas though, I've never had the knack for veils.

Pouring him a cup of coffee, "What's a veil, wait did you say master? Were you a slave?"

"More like a teacher-student relationship. He taught me some magic, but also much more than that. A veil is a type of spell, kind of like an illusion." Before Harry could be bombarded with further questions, "What's in the envelope?

Starting to come out of his shocked state, Bob reaches down and pulls out the contents of the envelope, a Ziploc bag with a lock of black hair, a folded piece of paper, and a picture of Louise. Bob looked at the picture with horror, Louise's hands tied behind a wooden chair, her feet tied to the legs of the chair and a single piece of rope around the back of her head and mouth, preventing her from talking.

Harry, giving Bob a moment to collect himself, grabs the letter and begins to read the scratchy print:

The Wonder Wharf, Midnight

Don't bring the Wizard

-§

"Bob, I'm going to need a sample of your daughter's hair. The hair in the envelope is probably hers but I can make sure of it. Don't worry, there's a little girl in trouble and _no one_ is going to stop me from saving her. Excuse me, I need to make some calls." Harry headed back down to the basement and Bob thought he saw the strange man pull a ridged sandy brown and yellow seashell out of his jacket.

_Semilogue_

Mr. Fishoeder parks his golf cart just beside the Wonder Wharf entrance and pulls his silver flask to take a swig of an unknown liquid while he waits for his younger brother. He checks his pocket watch, 11:25. Felix eventually is dropped off by a black SUV driven by one of the Fishoeder nephews that the eldest Fishoeder never bothered to learn the names of. Felix has a bit of trouble crawling into the golf cart but eventually manages. Calvin speaks up as they drive onto the wharf to hide, "How reliable is §?"

Reassuringly Felix explains, "He was recommended to me by our cousin Asael in California. As long as our money is good, he should cooperate."

"He'd better. It's time for our family to be recognized and taking care of the infamous Harry Dresden is exactly what it will take."

"Oh, how lucky we are Dresden showed up."

Oo00oO

"Harry, I know you have a love-hate relationship with Chicago, but I actually like living there. Why did I get a call from Karrin telling me you needed my help in… where exactly is this?" Harry looked at his white court vampire half-brother Thomas incredulously as he stepped out of a white firebird wearing a white t-shirt under a black leather jacket. His dark curling hair fell just to his shoulders which accentuated his week old stubble and… _damn it_! He doesn't even work out!

"No time Thomas," Harry looked at his watch and ran to the Blue Beetle, a beat up Volkswagen with a red hood and green doors, "Hop in!"

"Can't we just take my car?" as he reluctantly grabbed a bag from his trunk and got in the passenger side of Harry's car, deciding not to ask why most of the interior fabric was pretty much missing.

Harry explained the plan he had come up with while waiting for Thomas to make the drive from Chicago. "That's not much of a plan, Harry. Like, not even half of one."

Harry eyed Thomas while driving towards the wharf, "When have my previous plans worked even half way? Don't we usually show up, then it all goes to shit?"

Thomas thought about it for about a second, "Fair point."

Oo00oO

Bob was terrified as he made his way to the wharf. His entire world was rocked the past day. Apparently magic exists, along with wizards, and horror movie creatures, not to mention Fishoeder's strange connection to everything going on. _I'm just a restaurateur trying not to screw my kids up any worse than they are _he thinks to himself. Bob parks his car at the entrance to the wharf, takes a deep breath and begins walking to the Ferris wheel taking little solace in the fact that his new tenant is supposedly lurking about invisible.


	3. Chapter 3

Notes: Trying to put out a chapter a week is tough, sorry if this is a bit late, I was busy with Thanksgiving. I was considering using invisibilis or caecus, both mean invisible in latin, but caecus didn't really have the ring to it and invisibilis just means invisible while indespectus has a deeper meaning: indiscernible or unfathomable and I thought that would work much better.

Chapter 3

Prologue:

"Ooohhh I hope Bobby and Louise are gonna' be okay." Linda says to herself. In her red shirt and white apron she paces back and forth restlessly in front of the grill in the kitchen. Slowly she realizes that she may never see her loving husband and daughter. _That's it!_ She whips her apron off and throws it on the ground and marches towards the front door, only to be blocked by 150 lbs of grey furry dog at the door. "Out of the way Mouse!"

Mouse huffs at the crazy lady in front of him and stands up on his hind legs in order to place his front two paws on the shoulders of Linda.

"What the..?"

Mouse slowly walks forward pushing Linda back step by step until she flops down into the first booth from the door. Mouse huffs at her again and then lays down in front of her feet.

Oo00oO

Harry, with his invisibility glasses on, starts walking onto the wharf as his half-brother Thomas was left to his own, albeit unhuman, devices to sneak onto the wharf and remain undetected. Harry's new glasses are a masterpiece that render him completely invisible to all forms of detection except another practitioner's magical sight. Technically he doesn't have to wear them on his nose, just have them on his person and with an effort of will and a murmur of the word _indespectus_, the etchings on the glass lenses get activated. When Molly told him this, Harry was appalled. So many years of apprenticing and she didn't know? How could he have invisibility glasses and _not_ wear them.

He walked right up to about 10 yards of §, close enough to get a good look at him but not so close as to which the movement of air he caused would be felt. This was actually the first time Harry could get such a good look at him, and the first thing he noticed was the smell. Like sulfur mixed with burning rubber and diesel fumes. Next was his ugly ass face. He was grey, dark grey and his yellow teeth were just barely visible through his slightly open black lips. This close to the creature Harry could even see the whites of his eyes and black pupils, creepily he didn't have an iris, instead was the symbol § with his pupil right in the middle. _What are you?_ Harry thought to himself. _Alright find the girl before everything starts going to shit! _

Harry ran over to the roller coaster and looked in each of the seats, nothing. Next he ran a quick lap around the merry-go-round, still nothing. _Think Harry_. The creature wouldn't leave Louise too far away, but somewhere difficult to get to. _Top of the Ferris wheel! Duh!_ Of course he would choose that spot. Being a wizard grants a huge amount of power and advantage over the rest of the vanilla mortals, but great feats of athleticism? Not so much.

Harry took out his pentagram amulet and muttered the tracking spell he had used 100's of times. After a moment the necklace started swaying and he was off to find Thomas.

_Semilogue_

Calvin and Felix Fishoeder stood atop the press box of the baseball field just next to the amusement park, "Do you see anything yet?"

Felix focused for a moment, his eyes flashing white, "nothing out of the ordinary, just § waiting for Bob. I'm sure our nephews will be able to run interference when the wizard shows up."

"Let's hope so." Calvin replied, "I don't want to report a failure to our sister."

"Indeed," Felix replied. Spotting Bob pull up and get out of his car, "Here he is."

Oo00oO

Thomas was crouching on the edge of that carnival game where a little kid tries to pop a balloon with a dart that no one knows the actual name of when Harry materialized right next to him. Thomas didn't even flinch. Hey you try sneaking up on a vampire! "How's it look?" Harry whispers.

"So, so. That mystery creature is just waiting there. I have a feeling there are a few more people waiting along the edge of the place just like me. I think I caught a glimpse of someone on top of that building there," As he points to a red building on the other side of the funnel cake stand.

"Be right back," and Harry slips his glasses back on.

_Show off_ he thought to himself. Thomas settled down to wait for Harry to return and after a minute he spotted a stranger with a white t-shirt, black hair and a black caterpillar mustache. With Thomas' sharp eyes he could tell the man was shaking, probably from fear. _Must be the guy Harry is helping, Bob._

"It's about to start" Harry says as he snaps into visible mode. "That guy you saw, he's a vamp, white court, and there's probably two or three more in hiding. Do you have any cousins around here?"

"Hard to say. None of the big three have any dealings around here but there are a number of lesser houses spread across the country all hoping to gain reputation. Maybe one day become the fourth great house."

"Hmm…" This was the first Harry had heard about lesser houses and he filed it away in his mind for safekeeping. "Alright I need you to move fast. Can you get to the top of the Ferris wheel without anyone noticing you? That's where Louise is."

"The little girl? Yea, I'll get her!"

Oo00oO

Bob was _terrified_ of walking up to the nightmare. He checked his watch one more time, 11:55. _Guess I have to get this over with_. He stared at the creature's feet as he slowly walked towards him, trying to avoid looking at his inhuman face at all costs.

"We- well I'm here. Where… where's Louise? We don't have much –any- money really if that's what you're after."

"This isn't anything personal. I've been given a Task that brought me to this area. You are just a side job."

"What task are you… wait I'm a job? That means… you're… ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME?"

The creature pursed his lips into a thin line, not quite a smile and he raised his hand, pointing a grey finger with a sharpened talon directly at Bob.


End file.
